It's been quite a few weeks, and I'm starting to think life is always “quite a few weeks”. So much has happened in terms of feelings. I won't get into personal matters, but I will definitely try to get my conclusions across, in terms of many feelings and many reflections.
I have come to understand that life is lived individually. You might be with someone, you might have a best friend, children even- but there is only individual lives coexisting in duality. What I mean by this is that we all live in groups of people that live off certain rules and behaviors, which is totally fine, even logical to maintain order. Most assume that because everyone is following the same conduct, or living in certain households, that we are feeling the same feelings or living the same reality.
Reality is individual. What I see can only be perceived as it is by me, and I might try explaining what I see, but I will only get so far. What is right to my eyes might be wrong in yours, and what is common in my life might be looked over in yours. As pessimistic as this might come across, it is something so magical, at least to me.
Being a curious observer, I have been cursed with the joy of looking into people, of listening to stories, of finding mostly everything beautiful looking at it in perspective of the life the individual telling has lived. It is true that we all act upon our life story, upon our education and our beliefs. This might sound bizarre, but this is why there is so much division. We only look at our lives as the right path, we forget to understand other's way of thinking based on what they have lived or by simply understanding that there are others ways of going through this journey of life.
In no way is what I am saying a way of excusing reckless or destructive behavior in a story. It is more about of finding the reason in actions. Asking yourself, or others, where this is coming from. It is all rooted down to a reason evoked by a feeling. Someone easily mad will probably be deeply insecure or hurt. Someone very quiet might fear being controversial or ignored. A loud person probably needs attention that they are not getting. This immature behavior occurs when we delay confronting ourselves. You might be offended by me using the word immature, but it is what that is. Uncontrolled behavior is a reflection of being injudicious, and being injudicious will probably lead to emotional immaturity which will provoke immature actions. Immaturity is being unable to tame yourself, maturity is being able to confront yourself.
The reason we work in relationships with others is that we see things similarly at the moment, or we want the same things in our life journey. As easy as that sounds, we are still condemned to be living individually in unity. This is where integrity, communication and respect enter the conversation, because these essential values are the thread we live by, or at least it's the values that have shown success in human-human relationships. I don't intend on turning this into a relationship or behavior course, this is food for thought. We live our lives inside our minds, but must do it with caring hearts and open ears.
I am me, you are you, we are a relationship. I have my thoughts, you have yours, but we have decided to spend time in this journey together. It doesn't matter if it is a father-daughter, a sister-brother, a friend-friend, girlfriend-boyfriend, aunt-niece relationship, it is simply the fact of choosing people to stay in your life. By choosing people to stay in your life, you are willing to coexist individually in unity. Staying where you are is always an option you are choosing, regardless of how you ended up there.
Never forget that we are evolved beings, living individually, out of self judgment, in union with our societies but especially with the people we personally choose. Stay calm, communicate wisely and have an open heart.
Always the best,
Xoxo, Stella.
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